As I was reading through some of my high school and college English papers, I came to realize that I used to be a pretty dang good writer. It was deep, it was thoughtful, and truly my feelings on paper…no matter the subject. I’ve decided I need to get better at that, but sometimes, journaling takes too long. My brain tends to work faster than I can write and I forget half of the things I wanted to say. So here’s to being better…at all of that.
Tomorrow (March 14), I hit week thirteen of my pregnancy. I’m so unbelievably excited. I thought that we might be able to tell the
gender by the end of the month…but I’ll only be 15 weeks, and I’d rather be
more sure than unsure. But, I’m getting
ahead of myself. Let me talk a little
about how Baby G came to be (well, that sounded a little awkward, so try not to
take it that way. I can’t think of a
better way to say it.)
When we were first married, my dad bet me that I’d be pregnant within the first 6 months. But, due to the fact that we barely saw each other for the first month or two, and then for pretty much the first year, we were far from family and needed that time to be with each other (remember, B was gone for 98% of our engagement to Basic Training.) But don’t get me wrong, I was baby hungry out in Cali, especially since every time we went to church, we somehow were roped into subbing for some primary or nursery class. I thought it was a sign, but my ever-so-logical husband reminded me of how much I wanted to be around Dr.’s that I trusted and how much I wanted to be near family when our turn came to add to the count. I grumbled, but agreed. We decided that after we got home from Cali, we’d start trying.
Well, when March came and we moved home, we lived with my parents for about 6 weeks or so while our apartment in Ephraim opened up. Then, we both had part-time jobs and B prepared to start/finish school in the fall. So, we postponed getting off birth control until our first anniversary so we could actually go do something wild and fun.
July hit, and we went on a cruise to Mexico for our postponed honeymoon/first anniversary. Then we received some horrible news later on the month. My dad had a bone-marrow biopsy and they found that he had a type of cancer called multiple myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow that attacks his bones. I didn’t handle it well. The night that they told us (the 24th of July), he still hadn’t received his biopsy, but they told him it was a possibility. I sat up in bed til about 3:00 AM crying my eyes out. Seriously, I’m surprised that Brent slept through it all. I’d already gone through something like this with my mom, just four years previously. I wasn’t sure if I could endure something like that again, especially since my mom’s surgery; my relationship with my dad has grown leaps and bounds. I’ve always had a fantastic relationship with my mom, and am a proud momma’s girl, but dad (in my mind at the time) just never understood. I’m ashamed to admit that it took until I was almost 18 to realize how easy it was to talk with my dad about anything, but he’s so knowledgeable and great that I don’t know how I survived without a good relationship with him (oh yeah…I know now. I was a turd before and thought I knew the ways of the world.)
The next day I told B I wanted to quit taking my birth control, after having many prayers and thoughts the night before. He looked concerned, but told me that if that’s what I had felt, then I could do it. I quit taking them that day and honestly, expected to have the “glow” in about two months’ time.
When we were first married, my dad bet me that I’d be pregnant within the first 6 months. But, due to the fact that we barely saw each other for the first month or two, and then for pretty much the first year, we were far from family and needed that time to be with each other (remember, B was gone for 98% of our engagement to Basic Training.) But don’t get me wrong, I was baby hungry out in Cali, especially since every time we went to church, we somehow were roped into subbing for some primary or nursery class. I thought it was a sign, but my ever-so-logical husband reminded me of how much I wanted to be around Dr.’s that I trusted and how much I wanted to be near family when our turn came to add to the count. I grumbled, but agreed. We decided that after we got home from Cali, we’d start trying.
Well, when March came and we moved home, we lived with my parents for about 6 weeks or so while our apartment in Ephraim opened up. Then, we both had part-time jobs and B prepared to start/finish school in the fall. So, we postponed getting off birth control until our first anniversary so we could actually go do something wild and fun.
July hit, and we went on a cruise to Mexico for our postponed honeymoon/first anniversary. Then we received some horrible news later on the month. My dad had a bone-marrow biopsy and they found that he had a type of cancer called multiple myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow that attacks his bones. I didn’t handle it well. The night that they told us (the 24th of July), he still hadn’t received his biopsy, but they told him it was a possibility. I sat up in bed til about 3:00 AM crying my eyes out. Seriously, I’m surprised that Brent slept through it all. I’d already gone through something like this with my mom, just four years previously. I wasn’t sure if I could endure something like that again, especially since my mom’s surgery; my relationship with my dad has grown leaps and bounds. I’ve always had a fantastic relationship with my mom, and am a proud momma’s girl, but dad (in my mind at the time) just never understood. I’m ashamed to admit that it took until I was almost 18 to realize how easy it was to talk with my dad about anything, but he’s so knowledgeable and great that I don’t know how I survived without a good relationship with him (oh yeah…I know now. I was a turd before and thought I knew the ways of the world.)
The next day I told B I wanted to quit taking my birth control, after having many prayers and thoughts the night before. He looked concerned, but told me that if that’s what I had felt, then I could do it. I quit taking them that day and honestly, expected to have the “glow” in about two months’ time.
The first couple months came and went, and each time, I died
a little inside. I had prayed about
this. Why wasn’t it happening? Then, in October, I started getting sick, I
mean nauseous and throwing up…and yes, it was around that time, I had
heartburn, which I normally don’t have, and I was late. I had already scheduled an appointment with
my Dr. for something else, and while there, told him what was going on. He thought I was pregnant as much as I
thought I was. I took a test (I had
taken at-home tests and they all came negative, but I just thought I wasn’t
producing enough HCG), and it was negative.
I cried, because I was so sure that this was going to be it. The next day, I received confirmation that I
wasn’t. Cool.
So, I moved on and started praying about B finding a better job. I started reading my scriptures more and being better in all aspects. Then all the June babies started getting announced. It was hard, especially when my best friend said they were expecting after only trying for a VERY short period. I cried because I was happy for her, but I was also extremely sad that it wasn’t me. I kind of got into a slump and prayed harder…still…nothing.
Right before Christmas, B received a call for an interview. This new job would be nearly twice the amount of his previous paycheck, be full-time, and had benefits. Two days after Christmas, he started his new job. It was like a breath of fresh air!
About two weeks later, B was at drill, and I decided to take a test. It came back negative. I was home alone, at night, and miserable. I prayed, and then had the strong desire and need to call my brother and sister-in-law who have been through this. I gave them a call, and I proceeded to tell them that we’d been trying and hadn’t had any luck. We had a good conversation that included such topics as, when Heavenly Father knows that it should happen, it will happen; if I wasn’t able to have children, it wasn’t mine or Brent’s fault (they then proceeded to tell me some of the horrific things that strangers and friends had said to them about not having kids…can I just say some people are dumb); and that it’s hard when other people don’t even have to try, and they’re popping out babies, and then for others, it just takes a little longer. When I hung up, I felt really calm and peaceful and knew that there was a plan for Brent and I whether it included kids right away or not.
About two weeks later, I still hadn’t had anything, so I came home from work at lunch and took a test, which was negative. I shrugged, and threw it in the garbage can next to our toilet. When I came home, I was in the bathroom and had the urge to pull out the test again. THERE WERE TWO LINES. I just stared at it and my mind went numb. I called Brent and showed him the test and asked him how many lines he saw. He saw the same thing, but didn’t know what two lines meant. I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” The second line was so faint; I wasn’t sure what was what.
I proceeded to take three more tests over the next three days (I still hadn’t mentioned anything to B) and each time, the second line became darker and darker. I thought of how to tell B, and how to keep it a secret from my mom (who is my Dr.’s receptionist) at least for a few weeks.
So, I moved on and started praying about B finding a better job. I started reading my scriptures more and being better in all aspects. Then all the June babies started getting announced. It was hard, especially when my best friend said they were expecting after only trying for a VERY short period. I cried because I was happy for her, but I was also extremely sad that it wasn’t me. I kind of got into a slump and prayed harder…still…nothing.
Right before Christmas, B received a call for an interview. This new job would be nearly twice the amount of his previous paycheck, be full-time, and had benefits. Two days after Christmas, he started his new job. It was like a breath of fresh air!
About two weeks later, B was at drill, and I decided to take a test. It came back negative. I was home alone, at night, and miserable. I prayed, and then had the strong desire and need to call my brother and sister-in-law who have been through this. I gave them a call, and I proceeded to tell them that we’d been trying and hadn’t had any luck. We had a good conversation that included such topics as, when Heavenly Father knows that it should happen, it will happen; if I wasn’t able to have children, it wasn’t mine or Brent’s fault (they then proceeded to tell me some of the horrific things that strangers and friends had said to them about not having kids…can I just say some people are dumb); and that it’s hard when other people don’t even have to try, and they’re popping out babies, and then for others, it just takes a little longer. When I hung up, I felt really calm and peaceful and knew that there was a plan for Brent and I whether it included kids right away or not.
About two weeks later, I still hadn’t had anything, so I came home from work at lunch and took a test, which was negative. I shrugged, and threw it in the garbage can next to our toilet. When I came home, I was in the bathroom and had the urge to pull out the test again. THERE WERE TWO LINES. I just stared at it and my mind went numb. I called Brent and showed him the test and asked him how many lines he saw. He saw the same thing, but didn’t know what two lines meant. I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” The second line was so faint; I wasn’t sure what was what.
I proceeded to take three more tests over the next three days (I still hadn’t mentioned anything to B) and each time, the second line became darker and darker. I thought of how to tell B, and how to keep it a secret from my mom (who is my Dr.’s receptionist) at least for a few weeks.
I was going to wait to tell B until the next day when I
could plan a big dinner and everything, but I was looking at baby stuff on
Pinterest and he kept asking me what I was doing. I’m not a very good liar, so I just said,
“Nothing.”
He thought I was hiding something, and started to ask WAY too many questions. Finally I said, “Fine, I’ll tell you, but give me a few minutes.” I hurried and ran downstairs to my craft room to improvise a plan. I grabbed a card that read, “Caught A Little Bug?” and then used a “WE’RE HAVING A BABY” stamp on the inside and wrote, “Hey dad, our little “bug” is so excited to meet you in September!”
I brought him the card and sat by him on the couch. He opened it up and read it, and then got a huge smile on his face. Now, I’ve played many tricks on him whether it be as payback or just for kicks and giggles, so the first words out of his mouth were, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” I just smiled and nodded. He then asked me if I had proof. I did indeed throw the tests into a little sandwich bag and pulled them out. He saw the two lines, but he thought that a pregnancy test worked like a digital clock meaning that you could see the time, but you could also see the outlines of a bunch of 8’s that could be made into any number. Luckily, I had one unused test that I showed him. He stared at it and then just started laughing and crying which made me cry. I had it confirmed by the Dr. the next day and we told our families about 3 weeks later.
Also, happenings of the 1st Trimester:
He thought I was hiding something, and started to ask WAY too many questions. Finally I said, “Fine, I’ll tell you, but give me a few minutes.” I hurried and ran downstairs to my craft room to improvise a plan. I grabbed a card that read, “Caught A Little Bug?” and then used a “WE’RE HAVING A BABY” stamp on the inside and wrote, “Hey dad, our little “bug” is so excited to meet you in September!”
I brought him the card and sat by him on the couch. He opened it up and read it, and then got a huge smile on his face. Now, I’ve played many tricks on him whether it be as payback or just for kicks and giggles, so the first words out of his mouth were, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” I just smiled and nodded. He then asked me if I had proof. I did indeed throw the tests into a little sandwich bag and pulled them out. He saw the two lines, but he thought that a pregnancy test worked like a digital clock meaning that you could see the time, but you could also see the outlines of a bunch of 8’s that could be made into any number. Luckily, I had one unused test that I showed him. He stared at it and then just started laughing and crying which made me cry. I had it confirmed by the Dr. the next day and we told our families about 3 weeks later.
Also, happenings of the 1st Trimester:
- NO MORNING SICKNESS (I can already feel the bad vibes coming from those reading this that have/had really bad morning sickness)
- ALWAYS HUNGRY (Anything with melted cheese and ranch was the best)
- TIRED
- PYTORIASIS ROSEA (An ugly and itchy rash that can cause miscarriage in the first trimester. It starts with a big red scaly patch, and then has a Christmas tree pattern appear on your back...cool.)
- TIRED ALL THE TIME AND ABSOLUTELY NO ENERGY
- FOOD DOES NOT TASTE GOOD ANYMORE...I thought this was already supposed to have passed?
NAUSEA - EXTREME HIP PAIN
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